In my early twenties when COVID took hold,
I was waiting for all my life plans to unfold
But then the new virus hit and put it on hold
And as I waited, my dreams all grew mold
At first, I thought it would be a few weeks,
But in every area of my life, COVID sneaks
I take deep breaths, but still my brain freaks
“Life won’t be the same!” anxiety squeaks
As time goes on, my mood slowly descends
It’s been forever since I’ve seen my friends
Restrictions reign as the lockdown extends
Days, weeks and months in memory blends
I’d planned to get better. I planned to improve
But COVID did my access to health care remove
My plan for mental health, it knocked off groove
My ongoing eating disorder did happily approve
Volunteering roles vanished, I had nothing to do
In the silence of dead opportunity, my ED grew
Living alone, the strong desire to die closer drew
I wasn’t sure if this pandemic I’d make it through
To distract from the harsh throbbing of my brain,
I let my body take the brunt of my internal pain
Only when I starved, did the toxic thoughts wane
While the strength of anorexia grew more insane
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t live alone
My body renounced me with a grunted groan
My family took me in, couldn’t live on my own
As the skill of anorexia I grew to finely hone
Waiting for treatment, there was nothing to do
Time marched so slowly that my misery grew
Everything on pause till lockdown was through
When would it all end? No one actually knew
I was stuck inside sitting, waiting for life to begin
The only thing I could do was become more thin
But that wasn’t helping to anorexia recovery win
This ED was my pandemic-coping skill linchpin
But slowly, so slowly the vaccines were released,
Hope began to grow as COVID cases decreased
Restrictions were lifted, opportunities increased
A chance at eating disorder recovery was leased
Things were added back into my daily routine
On my eating disorder, I did not have to lean
I was given many benefits for my future to glean
Life was returned thanks to a small vaccine
I still have an eating disorder, not yet recovered
But while the pandemic, my life plans, it covered
My inner need for social connection I discovered
And the values that make me, me I rediscovered
A value-filled life, not a shadow, is what I now hold
Friends, family and work are my life’s firm handhold
I’m learning my body doesn’t need to be controlled
And like a long dormant flower, my life does unfold.
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